AWWWWWWWWWWWESOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

March 29, 2011

As a Midwesterner, I was raised to be humble and not talk about yourself much. I also tend to hate blogs and social media aspects that rant about nonsense going on in their lives. You know the people, the ones who update that they’re at Starbucks with their BFF Jill and haven’t met a mirror they haven’t posed in front of to take a profile pic. These people are ruining our society, making every little thing that someone says or does a big deal, to the point where people get fired from a TV show for saying the word “faggot” backstage or become public enemy #1 for saying “nigger” to someone who interrupts your comedy set. It’s a word. Nothing more, nothing less, meaning only what you intend it to mean. If you’re attacking someone for saying a word in public that you have no qualms about saying in private, then you, my Facebook friend, are a hypocrite.

Luckily for you, I’m a hypocrite as well. I regularly say terms such as those around friends with no problem, we know we aren’t racist or homophobic, and at this point in my life, after being exposed to these words in every shape and form for the past decade, those words no longer have any meaning to me. They’ve lost all meaning once the Internet gets a hold of them anyways, so here’s to being okay with saying words again!

But that’s not all the celebrations for today. I’m a happy hypocrite right now. One of my favorite shows just got renewed for two additional seasons, as well as a 60-90 minute special. All the details are here, and I can say this blog is one that I base my own off of. Additionally, Redvs.Blue, which I’ve talked about here before, just released the trailer for Season 9 to come out in June, and as a fan I can say it’s a glorious way to advance the series. Difficult to understand, as loyal fans were taken for a ride for the majority of the trailer, only to have the rug pulled from under us at the 3:10-3:20 point. Add on to that the fact that I’m done with a majority of work for the rest of the semester. Not to mention I’m still ‘gleeful’ about this headline. And this one I just found when searching the band and remembered the Red Hot Chili Peppers AND OutKast have tentative release dates for albums this year. The only way I can get any happier at this point is if Glee gets canceled. Forever. And all time. AAAWWWEEESSSOOOMMMEEE!!!

As you can tell by now, loyal reader, this blog is different from previous outings. That is due to the other reason I’m feeling like The Miz right now(don’t worry, you’ll get it by the end). It’s Wrestlemania this Sunday! While the card is somewhat underwhelming(for 1 VERY good reason), I’m dedicating the rest of this post to my predictions for Sunday.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole: Who would have thought that a match between two announcers would generate the most heat coming into Sunday. Cole’s character for the past half-year has been a pain a points, with his love of Miz and hatred of Bryan Danielson, the Divas and fans. This is a match that could only go one way, with Lawler winning. He’s been getting dogged around by Cole for the last three months, and this is his first match at the event in his career, so fans will be itching for him to get his hands on Cole. Having Stone Cold as a ref only adds to the fact that Cole is getting destroyed, and will probably end up as a manager and off the announce team. A fitting way for him to go, and if Lawler is thinking about quitting in the near future, this is a nice cap-off to his career. If only Good Ole’ JR comes out and does the announcing for this one. WINNER: LAWLER BY PIN

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus for the US Championship: One of the matches I’m looking forward to. Both are really good at their respective aspects, Bryan with his technical skills and Sheamus with some power, and both are young enough to be power players in the future. Sheamus has no problems losing, such as last year to his mentor Triple H, so I expect Bryan to take the title back in one of the highlights of the night. As long as they are given enough time to have a decent match, which I’m afraid the booking won’t allow, they can tell a good story in the ring that ends with Bryan overcoming the odds to make the Celtic Warrior tap out. And he gets the girl in the end, too. WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN(BRYAN DANIELSON) VIA TAPOUT, NEW US CHAMPION

The Corre vs. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Vladamir: This eight man tag was just added yesterday, and is a real clustercuss. Santino is a comedy man, who is funny, but his skills as a wrestler have been really overlooked. Vladamir is lucky he’s a tag team with him, since he has no charisma to carry a match on his own. Big Show is comfortable at this point in his career putting people over at events such as these, and while Kane is as well, he was also heavyweight champ a few months ago. For him to be here shows how far he’s fallen. I guess by know you’ve figured I’m picking the Corre, four younger stars who really need some credibility. Corre leader Wade Barrett was in the title hunt a few months ago, so for him to be here seems a waste. But, with the other major young group out with injury, this is the best they could salvage for the Corre to get over, and that’s not saying much. WINNER: THE CORRE, JUSTIN GABRIEL PINS SANTINO

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes: Not very high profile, since Cody’s been virtually invisible all year. Mysterio is still here to make his rounds and appease his many young fans before(hopefully) getting the knee surgery he’s been prolonging for over a year! While a trooper, it has limited his offense, but with him bringing in as much money as he is he can’t sit out for Wrestlemania season again like four years ago. Cody needs a good showing here to regain some stock in the company, which he is more than capable of, but he needs to dominate for a good portion of the match. If this is a short match, which most of Rey’s are at this event(his last three average out to 4:42), Cody will be getting the short end of the stick, but a beat down from him afterward will see him stand tall and give Rey an out to get the surgery. WINNER: REY MYSTERIO VIA PIN

Dolph Ziggler & Lay-Cool vs. John Morrison, Trish Stratus and Snooki: It pains me to type that last name. But she will be there, and in a match. Between her(insert your own derogatory statement here) and Trish, who hasn’t competed in five years, Morrison will have to carry the load for his team. Thank God he can, which is why it’s a shame he gets shoved into this last minute. Same with Ziggler, who was #1 contender in January. These two are more than capable of giving a stellar match between Zig’s brash methods and Morrison parkour style, but then no females would be competing. Layla and McCool and the two best females on the roster, so anyone else they face would get stuffed in two minutes, which is the average length of a women’s match. So, with no good women to face them, bring in a former Women’s champ and a publicity stunt. The fact that she is given a spot is not only insulting to the other women in the lockeroom, but it also shows how bad they are if their spot is given to her. If it weren’t for Vickie Guerrero in Ziggler’s corner, who’s a great character and gives the match the crowd reaction it needs, this match would fall dead when Ziggler and Morrison tag out. But, given who’s in it, and who’s the good guys going in…it just shouldn’t have to come to this. It’s much better if Morrison and Ziggler fought for bragging rights of best rising star. Instead, as most fans are saying, it’s a glorified bathroom break, which is where you’ll find Snooki passed out. WINNER: MORRISON, STRATUS AND SNOOKI, SNOOKI PINS LAYLA

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk: Yes, this is going to be one hell of a match. Punk has proven in the past two years to be one hell of a bad guy, and his character right now can’t get much better. I’m still weirded out the Randy Orton, who has anger issues and punts people in the head, is getting cheers not only going into this match, but since September. It would be better if Orton didn’t have to sell a bum knee to prevent him from kicking Punk’s head off at any time. Having an injury of this type, and inserting into the feud when it had enough steam and interest beforehand, was a bad idea on the side of writing. Maybe they didn’t think the feud could hold water over the final weeks of build-up. I would rather see Punk win, since I’ve been a fan of his since he came to the WWE, but Orton is getting the win. They set it up so he has to overcome injury, and he’s getting cheers despite being the same character who last year got booed out of every building. Nothing changed, but now they cheer him. Maybe the crowd has gotten tired of Cena, I know I have, but Orton doesn’t seem like the good guy to build around. He’s a natural bad guy. But Punk is better at it, so in the interest of getting the crowd pumped up before the main events, Orton gets the win with an RKO, right after punting the StraightEdge out of Punk, who has no problems losing, as long as he puts on a good match in the process. Knowing these two, that’s a guarantee. WINNER: ORTON VIA PINFALL

Undertaker vs. Triple H, Undertaker’s Undefeated Streak on the Line: Undertaker wins. Here’s why: Triple H doesn’t need it. He says he wants to be the one to tell Undertaker it’s time to go. Taker is 18-0 at the event, and his last two against Shawn Michaels saved the events from being washouts, especially at WM25. He was okay with losing six years ago to Orton, but Orton declined out of respect, so the focus came on the streak rather than who he was feuding with. This is also No Holds Barred, but there’s a good reason for that. Taker is coming off injury in October, H coming off injury and vacation since last April! Ring Rust! They also need breathing room since the last two Taker matches were marvelous within the boundaries, but there was no injury time leading up to it. There is a lot of interest in whether Hunter will go to a less active role following the event(I think so), so this could be a way for him to ride off into that role without many regrets. He tried to end it and failed. Taker wanted to retire at WM24, but Ric Flair retired that night, so he opted to continue and give Flair his moment. If this match goes last on the card, he might pull into retirement, but the allure of a possible 20-0 will call him back. Besides, losing to Hunter is no way to go out, since Hunter tried ten years ago and failed, and there’s still unfinished business with his brother Kane and Wade Barrett. Unless he decides to call it quits, Triple H will get one more headstone in the Undertaker’s yard. Whether Shawn Michaels gets involved is on the table right now, but I’ll say no. He said he’s not competing anymore, and he meant it. WINNER: UNDERTAKE VIA TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER FOR THE WIN. 19-0 AT WRESTLEMANIA.

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World HeavyWeight Championship: Edge has his brother in his corner, so a double-cross seems likely. Del Rio only debuted last August, so for him to win the Royal Rumble and make it to a title match at Wrestlemania shows how much the company likes him. And he’s a bad guy no less! That doesn’t happen often that they get to come in as the challenger. He does have a great character, on rival with CM Punk, and knows how to deliver on the mic and with expressions in the ring. He is still green, though. If he does get the belt put on him, it might be a quick turnover. Edge has main evented the past three years, all losses, and now that he’s a good guy he doesn’t get the point across as well. He seems to be holding something back, but that may be due to the injury he had in 2009. He needs a shot in the arm, and losing the title, especially via betrayal from his brother, may be the necessary spark to make him “The Rated-R Superstar” again. There’s not a lot of intrigue going into this one, so the crowd might be dead, meaning both of them are going to have to put on a show. If Taker-HHH is subpar, it won’t be hard to get the crowd up and into it. Edge can deliver on a good night, and if he can get Del Rio into it, Del Rio can make the crowd really mad when he gets Edge to tap out. After all, one World Title always changes at Wrestlemania, so this will be it. WINNER: DEL RIO VIA TAP OUT, NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

John Cena vs. The Miz for the WWE Title: This one’s tricky. This should go last on the card, being for the main prize and for involvement The Rock will have. Since his return, Rock has verbally inserted himself into this match by completely destroying both of them, so the crowd will be on the edge of their seat to see what he does and when. It will be the end of the match, since he is also the Host of Wrestlemania, so the crowd will not be into the match at all. Nor should they be. While I enjoy The Miz’s character, the way he is being presented as of recent are not main event at the big event status. He needs a win to cement himself as a viable champion, since he won it off Orton in November through a free match after Orton went through hell . He is a cunning, sneaky little bastard. The former Mike Mizanin, Real World star, has become WWE champion, and he is the future of this company. He has carried the belt with more gusto than it had been carried in the past year, but it’s not enough to get him over. Then there’s Cena, the worst thing to happen to wrestling. He’s kid friendly, doesn’t sell damage, constantly wins out in the end with his “5 Moves of Doom,” last of which is a STF where its obvious he’s not applying any pressure. He makes it obviously fake and ruins another-wise good match. There’s a reason he hasn’t been the final match at Mania since WM22, cause as one fan put it, “How the hell do you get booed as a face[good guy]?” He got such a terrible reaction coming in and after his victory in that main event, they stopped putting his match last at Wrestlemania because they don’t want that reaction to end the night. All the kids scream “Let’s Go Cena” and all the men scream “Cena Sucks!” Not to mention that in December, they had his match his Wade Barrett go last on their monthly event, AFTER the WWE Title match, because it was him ending a grudge. For a guy who’s all about the company, and the title, he didn’t act like it then. At Wrestlemania, when all the hardcore fans come out, he gets more negative reaction than anytime, and having the Rock involved in his affairs only gets the crowd more vocal with their hatred of him and what he represents/has done to the company.

That being said, the match will be subpar. Cena can’t pull his own weight, and all his matches are formulaic, and the crowd will be on him all night, so his performance will suffer no matter what he does. Miz, while good enough at this stage of his career, has been an afterthought in the past month with a possible Rock-Cena conflict. He’s the champ, but he’s under the radar, exactly where he wants to be. That’s how he won the title, coming out of nowhere and blind-siding. He can carry his own weight, but he can’t carry a match by himself, and with Cena on the other side he’s gonna have to. These matches are usually 20-25 minutes, so around 2 minutes before the end the Rock will come out. The crowd will cheer and expect a Cena beat-down. But he won’t, he’ll attack Miz instead. Cena stood up to him, so Rock respects that. Cena gets the tap out for the win and becomes new WWE champ(again, uggh) before Rock flattens him with a Rock Bottom to appease his fans. Then, the Anonymous General Manager comes out to address to situation…and it’s none other than Triple H! Appears he was the GM during his injury time, so now that he didn’t end the Streak, he’s revealed himself. He states that due to Rock’s interference(since the two have a history as bitter rivals, and he’s not a fan of Cena), the match will restart. Rock goes to address HHH, while Miz slinks in for the cover and win. Miz walks out champion as a cunning heel. Rock and HHH fight in the ring for a nice nostalgia trip, with Rock coming out on top. Then he attacks Miz, and Cena attacks him to end the night standing tall but angry. This should finally, after months of whispering backstage, turn him heel. He’s been doing this “SuperCena” character since October of 2003, when Hey Ya! came out. It’s time for a change, and this should finally be the turning point for a new chapter for this guy. He’ll stand tall at the end of the night, but he won’t have the belt.

WINNER: THE MIZ VIA PINFALL TO RETAIN THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP! CAUSE HE’S THE MIZ, AND HE’S AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEESSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

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One Response to “AWWWWWWWWWWWESOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

  1. Caron said

    Hmm This blog is not written for me. I wish you had described wrestling in terms I could understand

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